I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
