Ambien. No doubt about it.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
