Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
