i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
