conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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