i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
