im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish I only lived at night.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
