So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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