Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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