Don't you send me to vm
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
