She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
