twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
