He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
