Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
