youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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