he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
