Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
