quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just pee around me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
