pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
