come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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