In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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