does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
