oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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