I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
