Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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