shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
