why didn't you poke me back
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need water and some morals
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
