Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
