Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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