I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
