My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
