I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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