you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Small penises have feelings too.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
