while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
