My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
