words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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