So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
