Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
