at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
