sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
