it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
