dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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