id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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