Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
