i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
