I'm eating all of the evidence.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
