Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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