Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
