Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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