So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
