She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
